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This list is
written, designed
and illustrated by
Jeffrey M. Glover

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Thanks to the
generosity of
a few fans, this
list is available
in these languages:

German
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by Martin Schmitt

Italian
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by Dallimonti Pierluigi

Malaysian
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by Niki Cheong

Danish
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by Pernille Kjølby

Swedish
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One of my
older lists
translated by
by Gustaf Bratt

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Top Ten Ways To Tell If You Have A Sucky Home Page
Online since March 1st, 1995!!!

[] Warning: Don't have a hissy-fit if something from your web site is on the list. I encourage you to create your web site however you want, regardless of what some doofus says is "sucky" or "a don't"!

Good design is a matter of YOUR personal taste and style, not someone else's! Besides, rules are meant to be broken. I should know... I've broken a few of my own!

It's all in fun!

10 [] Your header picture is over 50K!

Not all of us have T1 lines installed, ya know!
Keep your pictures down to thumbnails until we care to download the whole thing!

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9 [] You put up a 400K picture of yourself, and you appear in the lower-left 20K!

Can you say "CROP"?

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8 [] We can only stomach so many pictures of your pets.

"...and this is my cat: Fluffy. This is my dog: Fifi. This is my llama: Frumpy. This is my dolphin: Flippy..."

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7 [] Obnoxious background music.

Think about it... If we're trying to browse from our cubicle at work so our boss doesn't know, you can bet the instant we hear your lame MIDI interpretation of "Stairway to Heaven" your page is history.

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6 [] You use bad, bad, bad, bad scans.

Like some sorta crappy 4-bit GIF that looks like a film negative left out in the desert for 5 years.

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5 [] Ticker Tape Status Bars

It was cool only the first time we saw it.
See Blink.

"We want our Status Line back, dammit!"

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4 [] You use Construction pics on your page.

I think we all know that pages are always under construction!

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3 [] Your home page consists of a desperate plea for a job.

http://www.resume.com/boring.html

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2 [] Blink.

'nuff said.

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1 [] You're on your own Hot List! []

[] Are you wanting to create your own site that isn't sucky? Well look no further! Just order my Totally Un-Sucky Web Site Starter Kit and you'll have all the graphics and cool animations you'll need to start (or update) your own web site! It costs less than $25!

This CD-ROM contains over 50 complete web sites. All with 100% original, never-before-seen graphics and animations!

Just add text!

Thanks for stopping by my list!

[] If you'd like some tips on how to improve your site, check out my new site: Sucky to Savvy. This new site will walk you through step-by-step instructions on how to go from a Sucky site to a Savvy one!

[] Did you enjoy this? Then be sure to check out my goofy Disney Disaster Photo Collection. You've never experienced Disney World like this before!

Or check out my Home Page to learn more about the idiot behind this insanity!

[]On a serious note, I'm also the "Web Production" Guide over at The Mining Company. If you haven't heard of The Mining Company yet, you will. It's going to be big and I'm very proud to be one of their first people hired to help set a standard for excellence, intelligence and substance on the Internet.

For The Mining Company I write a weekly article on Web Production. Much of what I write is a lot like what you see here. You can get to The Mining Company by clicking on the "Mining Company" badge above. It will open up in a new window so when you are done there, just close the window and you'll end up back here.

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Last Updated: August 25th, 1997
All Graphics & Text ©Jeffrey M. Glover